I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
