You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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