I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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