His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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