there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
