i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
