Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
