I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
