Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
