6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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