I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We got so high we made milksteak
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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