k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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