Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
