When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
