you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
