I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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