Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
