he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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