we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
