wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
