She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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