I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
