then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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