Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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