she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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