There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
