We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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