Nicole vs. Life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
