You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
