He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
