i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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