Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
