"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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