Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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