I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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