careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
