I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
