I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
