You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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