What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
