just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
