my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize