thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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