I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize