my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
