Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
