The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
