You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
