12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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