Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
