Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
