Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
