If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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