she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
