brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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