I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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