Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
