tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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