everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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