mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
